


Never Let Me Go

by CatWingsAthena



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Episode Tag, Gen, Missing Scene, Papa Jack, Post-Episode: s01e21 Cigar Cutter, Title from a Florence + the Machine Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 17:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19399036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatWingsAthena/pseuds/CatWingsAthena
Summary: Riley is rattled after her first kill. Jack is helpful (read: he comes over with advice, a listening ear, and a Snuggie).Also, Riley gets to ask a question that's been bothering her for a long time."So why did you leave?"





	Never Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaylee_To_My_Strawberries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylee_To_My_Strawberries/gifts).



> Hey everybody! This fic contains mentions of prison, blood, guns, and death. It also contains a hug and a Snuggie. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> This fic is for my sister, Kaylee_To_My_Strawberries, who pointed out that, after 1x21, Riley needed a hug but didn't get one and Jack wanted to give someone a hug but didn't get to. This fixes both of those things.

Riley sat on the couch in her apartment, hair damp from the shower, and stewed.

It had been an hour since she’d gotten home. An hour and a half since the lockdown on the Phoenix had lifted.

Two and a half hours since she’d thought she was going to die. Two and a half hours since the loudest sound she’d ever heard and the warm, wet splatter of blood on her chest. Two and a half hours since she’d been pinned under the weight of a dead body of her own making.

Two and a half hours since her world had changed forever.

Riley physically shook her head, trying to break herself out of her thoughts. No luck. The sound. The blood. The weight.

The knowledge that a life was  _ over _ , because of her.

Riley’s phone buzzed. A text from Jack.

<I’m coming over. Don’t argue>

Well. Riley hadn’t been expecting that. Neither Jack nor Mac had acted like her  _ killing _ someone was that big a deal--and she supposed, for them, it wasn’t. But, to be fair, they’d had a lot of other things to think about.  _ She _ hadn’t had the time to freak out about it, so why would they?

Twenty-three minutes later, Riley heard a knock at the door.

She looked through the peephole and opened up. Jack walked in, carrying an armload of soft material.

“Is that your Dallas Cowboys Snuggie?” asked Riley.

“Trust me, there is nothing like wrapping yourself in something soft when you’re having a rough time. Now put that on,” he said, tossing the Snuggie at her.

Riley stared at her armful of Snuggie as Jack steered her to the couch, sat her down, and plunked down next to her. After a moment, not really in the mood to argue, she put her arms through the sleeves of the Snuggie and arranged the blanket over herself. She had to admit, it was cozy.

Didn’t do anything about the gaping hole that had taken up residence in her chest in the past three hours, but cozy.

Jack looked at Riley, looking several times like he was about to speak, but never quite saying anything.

Eventually, though, he broke the silence.

“I wanna start by saying, what happened today? It’s over. You’re safe. So however you’re feeling? It’s okay to let it catch up to you. Now, I know you’re an expert at keeping what you feel on the inside, ‘cause you’ve had to be, and I’m sorry about that, because I’m pretty sure that’s at least partly on me. But let me let you in on a little secret, ‘mkay? Once the mission’s over, and you’re home, and you’re safe, you can react however you need to. Now, there’s some places you shouldn’t go, just for your own sanity. But if every now and then you need to cry, or throw some non-breakable things, or go on an hour-long rant to a wall--or to me, ‘cause I’m here, I’m listening--that’s perfectly fine, and no one’s gonna judge you for it.”

Riley took a deep breath.

“We were fighting for the gun,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to keep it away from him. We were on the floor, he was on top of me, and the gun was between us, and both of our hands were on it, and for a second it was pointing toward me, and I got so  _ scared _ , and... I managed to twist it towards him, and then... it went off.” She took another breath, long and shaky. “It was so  _ loud _ . Louder than I thought it would be. I mean, I’ve heard guns before, obviously, but... never that close... and then I felt something hot and wet splatter on my chest, and I realized it was blood,  _ his _ blood... and then he was just  _ there _ , on top of me, and I had to wriggle out from under him... and then it hit me.” Riley felt tears welling in her eyes, and tried to blink them away, which only succeeded in forcing them out of her eyes and down her face. “I know he was Organization. But I used to work for some pretty shady people. I mean, he must’ve had a life. What if he had a family? What if...”

“Hold it right there,” Jack interjected. “Trust me, you do  _ not _ want to go down that rabbit hole. He was an immediate threat, that’s all you need to know. And you know who else has a life, and a family who loves her?” Jack put an arm around Riley’s shoulders and pulled her in close. “ _ You _ . You’ve got me, and you’ve got Mac, and you’ve got Matty, and you’ve even got Bozer.” He thought for a second. “Is Bozer still being pushy with you, by the way? ‘Cause if I have to have another talk with him, I will.”

“No, he’s being great, actually... hang on, you had a talk with Bozer about respecting my boundaries?”

“Yes I did, and if necessary I will gladly have another.”

Riley smiled a little. “Thanks.”

“ _ No problemo _ .” There was a brief silence. Then Jack coughed. “Hey, uh, I got something else to say.”

“Well?” said Riley after a moment.

“I’m sorry.” Jack was looking down. “I’m the one who got you mixed up in all this.”

“Um, last time I checked, you got me out of prison.”

“Yeah, but it’s also a little bit my fault you were there in the first place.”

Riley sighed. “Is Mac rubbing off on you? Because blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault isn’t normally  _ your _ thing.”

“Just... I left you right when you were starting to get attached. And then, not long after, you got mixed up with some people who were nothing but trouble, and eventually got in way over your head. And... if I’d been there, maybe that wouldn’t have happened. Maybe you could’ve been using those brains for good all along. Maybe...”

“What were you just telling me about rabbit holes?” said Riley. “Yeah, I was pissed at you for leaving. I still kinda am, actually. But I was eighteen when I started working for The Collective. Old enough to be held accountable for my own decisions. It was my mistake, not yours.” She looked at him. “I’m not saying you didn’t make a mistake. But you’re not the reason I went to prison. Don’t give yourself too much credit.”

Jack nodded.

For a moment, they sat in quiet, Jack’s arm wrapped around Riley’s shoulders.

Then, Riley spoke, in a small voice.

“So why did you leave?”

Jack was silent for a moment, considering.

“As of today, you’ve killed one person,” he said. “So you’ll have a better appreciation than you would’ve yesterday of what it means when I say I’ve killed so many I lost count a long, long time ago. When you were sixteen, and needed someone to look up to... I just didn’t know if someone like me could be that person. I was scared, I guess, that somehow I was gonna... mess you up. And I could feel it. How much I was starting to mean to you. I thought,  _ if I’m gonna get out, it’s now or never _ . I just... I really thought it was the best thing for you.”

“Well, you were wrong,” said Riley.

“I know that now.” 

“Good.”

“And, Riles?”

“Yeah?”

Jack looked very uncomfortable, but took a deep breath and forged ahead. “If you want to get out... you can. Matty likes you now--she could swing it. You wouldn’t go back to prison. You could have a regular life--”

“No.”

Jack smiled a little.

Riley continued. “Look, when Matty did my evaluation, I basically begged her to let me stay--and it wasn’t just because I was scared of going back to prison, although, yeah, that was a big part of it. I love this job. I’m finally getting to use my abilities to help people instead of hurt them. And, before you say anything, I know I could probably get that for a lot less danger with a regular job somewhere. But where else would I get to help save the world practically every week?” Riley smiled slightly. “I’m staying.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” said Jack. “But I need to make sure we’re crystal clear on one thing. If you stick with this job, you may--you almost certainly  _ will _ \--have to kill again. Can you be okay with that?”

Riley took a deep breath. “I can live with that, yeah.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Riley stood up. “I’m going to go sit with Bozer at the hospital.”

“Oh no you’re not, young lady, he’s probably still in surgery, or at the very least conked out from anesthesia. He won’t be waking up for days. You’re going to sleep in your own bed tonight. You can go to the hospital tomorrow.”

Riley rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue. Instead, she shrugged off the Snuggie and handed it to Jack. “In that case, go give this to Mac,” she said. “I know he’s there.”

“Will do,” said Jack. “Now bring it in.”

Jack put the Snuggie on the back of the couch, then opened his arms, and Riley stepped into them. They stood that way for a moment, swaying slightly.

“Thank you,” whispered Riley.

“Anytime,” Jack whispered back.

Jack left with the Snuggie, and Riley went to go take a nap.

It had been a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! I hope you liked this! If you did, please let me know below!


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